There are those who have the audacity to question the badassery of Boba Fett. They say things like, “His part was so small,” or “he went out like a noob,” or simply, “I just don’t get it.” Well, I am here to tell you why he is, in fact, awesome, and why you should “get it.”
The reason why I bring up this topic is because the other night I was at a party and wound up having to (drunkenly) defend the honor of this awesome character. We were in fact discussing Star Tours and I mentioned that *SPOILER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS ON STAR TOURS* one of the possible adventures was running into Boba Fett. The person just said, “Oh. Ok. I’ve never gotten him.” Thank God I was drunk, or else I don’t think I would have been able to handle such a comment. It occurred to me that it was my duty to inform the uneducated masses why this character is a amazing.
So here it is…
WHY BOBA FETT IS A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER:
1). He’s a bounty hunter. Many of you are probably sighing and saying, “Well duh, r-tard, we knew that.” Think about it. Do you know what balls it takes to be a fuckin’ bounty hunter? And unlike the Jedis he doesn’t have any fancy schmancy “force” powers to help him out in his scary endeavors (pffft, cheaters). This also means that he has to be very resourceful, clever, and to be successful, utterly ruthless. Also, bounty hunters aren’t really on any side or team, they simply work for the highest bidder. At the end of the day they answer to no one.
2). He’s partially based off of Clint Eastwood. The actor who played Boba Fett in the original trilogy was Jeremy Bulloch and he based his mannerisms along with his voice after none other than Clint Eastwood. That’s right, Dirty Harry, Blondie, and Bill Munny are all a little part of Boba. Clint Eastwood is one of the biggest and baddest BAMFs in the history of the universe. Naturally, anything based off of his image and attitude would reflect some of that sheer coolness. Seriously, would you fuck with Clint Eastwood?
3). He’s a clone of Jango Fett. Jango Fett was a ruthless bounty hunter. In a somewhat creepy/narcissistic way he got himself a son. Instead of acquiring a son the good ol’ fashioned way (he probably didn’t want to risk his badass genes being mixed and lost!), he simply got a clone of himself to raise as a son. This means that whatever naturally ruthless characteristics that Jango had he would have nurtured in Boba, in a way making Boba even deadlier than his “father” because he was raised to be ruthless, whereas Jango for a time was not.
4). He’s a Ladies Man! How do I know this? I’ll tell you how I know.
Notice his body language. He’s casually leaning against that wall, his arm up and open, and totally working those two hot alien chicks. AND HE DOESN’T EVEN NEED TO TAKE OFF HIS HELMET TO DO THIS! He’s that good.
BAM. Look at that player. Look at him! He just gave her the “until next time” chin touch. So on top of being of the *best* bounty hunters in the galaxy, he also has the moves to pick up chicks. Can you say “badass”?
5). He caught Han Solo. It takes a badass to catch badass and I’m pretty sure I don’t need to defend Han’s cred.
6). He will disintegrate you. When Darth Vader is instructing the group of bounty hunters on their mission to find the Millenium Falcon, he specifically tells Boba, “No disintegrations!” He clearly must have quite a reputation if a fucking Sith Lord is aware of his tactics. Also, that means Boba uses fire which, let’s face it, is really cool.
7). HE ESCAPED THE SARLACC PIT. Because of unfortunate circumstances with his jetpack, Boba was tossed into the dreaded (and overtly yonic) Sarlacc Pit on Tattoine where many assumed he died over a thousand years of being digested. Well guess what, he didn’t! Even though we hardcore Boba fans did not need any proof of this because we simply searched our feelings and knew his survival to be true, there is still legit evidence of his survival. In the Expanded Universe of Star Wars Boba not only escaped the Sarlacc Pit but also killed it. So there, haters. He in fact did NOT die a nooby death.
8). He can kick ass despite the horrible visibility of his helmet. Boba is able to do all of these things while looking through a slit that is only about a centimeter tall on his helmet. Imagine the possibilities if he tried all of these things with FULL visibility! I don’t think the galaxy would be able to handle it. The badassery would simply be too much.
9). He uses a jetpack. Even though said jetpack almost cost him his life, it’s still pretty boss that he uses one. Why walk somewhere when you can fly there? With a JETPACK!
10). He wears a cape. It’s a small cape, but it’s there. And you know who else wears a cape? Batman. I rest my case.
So there it is, children. The reasons why Boba Fett is totally awesome and deserves your respect. I’m sure there are reasons that I have accidentally omitted, so if you feel that I have overlooked an indicator of this man’s greatness, feel free to cybersmack me and let me know said reasons via the comment section below.
And remember, kids: