Project Runway: Top 5 Moments and Bitchy Observations of the Week

Every Thursday I get together with my girls and we spend an evening eating local cuisine (aka borderline fast food) and watching Season 9 of Project Runway on Lifetime.  We aren’t fashion designers but just like with any other trade, you don’t need to be neck-deep in it to know how to bitch about it.

And this week we had plenty to bitch about because this week’s challenge was so ridiculously stupid.


*SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 3 *

This week’s challenge is to design clothing for professional  stiltwalkers.   The runway show for this episode was held in Battery Park –the first runway show to be held outside.

The designers were put into teams of two and were given a budget of $500 and one day to complete their garments. Ouch.

The Ridiculous and Unrealistic  Challenge

All I could think of was that they would be designing for CLAMP characters.

Now you know why I think CLAMP designs are so silly. This could have been a fun challenge if it wasn’t for the facts that:

1) The show has gone from a pure design show to a “make a pretty  trendy dress”show.

2) There isn’t a real-life situation where a designer would have to make something for a woman with legs four times the length of her torso that is ready-to-wear.

There was no hint if the judges would like something conventional or crazy so half of the teams went with ready-to-wear creations while the other half opted for something more costume-based.

 

No Grain, No Gain, All Pain

Putting these two together was bad.  They failed to work nicely together even though their skills would have been perfect if they played to each other’ strengths (Bryce‘s sewing skills and Fallene‘s sense of whimsy).

Their idea was horrible. Their colors were horrid. I thought they would have steered clear of a depressing billowy dress after Bryce‘s construction of a horrible wee-wee pad napkin dress and the judges’ comments on how they hated Fallene‘s drab color palate for her last dress. They were both bottom three in the last challenge. They needed to pick up the slack fast to survive in competition. Alas, the execution was dreary instead of dreamy.

Instead of learning from their mistakes, they just made them ten times worse.  Even worse was the fact that Bryce did not give as much help as he did “emotional support” for the fragile Fallene. He’d rather spend his time bitching about the grain of the fabric over and over.

“I am a self-taught designer. I don’t know how to cut on-grain. I can’t do simple things because this competition is so stressful.”

“OH MY GOD, GUYS. THE LITTLE DOE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO CUT ON-GRAIN. BUT I AM GOING TO LET HER CUT IT ANYWAYS.”

“OH MY GOD, GUYS. I HAVE A USELESS TEAMMATE WHO CUT THE BODICE FABRIC OFF-GRAIN. NOW I HAVE TO MAKE A CHEAP YOGA TOP TO GO WITH THIS SHITTY TUTU I MADE ALL BY MYSELF.”

Bryce should have taken ten minutes to cut the bodice pieces himself after he knew the little deer couldn’t do it. OR they can salvage it by cutting fabric on-grain to use as support on the back of the messed-up piece.

In the end, Fallene cried and did nothing but make a pretty hat. Bryce sent out a schizophrenic Black Swan Yoga Modern Dance mess. Just add 8-foot long leg warmers.

Team Shiny Matador

These guys were so cute. Joshua started out with a bity personality but he’s since proved to be a dorky guy with impeccable eyebrows.  Julie‘s proven to be a spunky girl who can throw a punch. They spent their time as chipper as the kids from High School Musical, giggling and poking shoulders to make a point.

I thought their fantasy matador was on the right track but I didn’t like that shiny red top or the way they had the model flap around as she walked.I loved the Beetlejuice-Matador pants to some extent but I think it went a little too far. Very well made though.

And The Hair is CRAAAAAZY!

Snappy  ‘It is what it is’ Cecilia got paired up with the Soft-spoken lamb Danielle.   Fortunately they did not crash and burn like Bryce and Falene even if they did have their moment.

“I KNOW HOW TO SEW PANTS, DANIELLE. GO STAND IN THE CORNER AND LOOK CUTE. ”

 

Chiffon is a bitch to work with so it is kind of amazing that they pulled off this look in a day. But it looks dated. And boring. There’s no real play with the transparency of the top and the grandmother treatment of the collar pulls this look back into the earlier half of the last century.

The hair really is crazy. Judge Michael Kors had a little too much fun screaming out  his crack comment of the day. We all agreed that they should have just let her hair down after they saw that it was like a pumpkin on her head rather than elegant royalty.

Never Admit to the Glue Gun 

“I like it but it’s too referential. Your last piece was referencing McQueen. Now we have something from Gucci’s Fall 2011 lineup. Stop being a copycat.”

“I like it! People don’t realize how long it takes to treat the little pieces. It’s so much work. It’s not like you just stick them o-”

“Actually I hot glued them all on.”

WHY WOULD YOU ADMIT TO THAT, ANTHONY? JUST SMILE AND NOD. Now your dress just reads cheap knockoff instead of a knockout. I was really rooting for Becky and Kimberly‘s bedazzled military punk ensemble after you said that.

I really thought Kim Kardashian would have had more input as a judge but like always, I’m left wondering why she gets paid to do nothing.

In the end, Fallene went home for not being able to pull through at all and for allowing Bryce to send out yet another horrible outfit.

Laura on the other hand wins the challenge for her and Anthony‘s flowy red dress.

That’s it for this week! Hoping that we’ll have more interesting challenges coming this way.

We will see the designers quake in their boots when they have to design for judge and fashion editor Nina Garcia next week She’s not one to cross.

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Written by Fortune Cookie
Fortune Cookie loves all things cute and whimsical. She also especially loves tragic bishounen and anime and manga that stab you right in the heart.