The Space Pirate Queen and I have known each for a very long time and have become really great friends. There are many things that make a friendship truly great. Trust, mutual respect, the ability to share our feelings, overall comradery, and when it comes to SPQ and myself, that beautiful and strong bond is the bond of how totally creepy we are when it comes to good lookin’ guys, real and fictional. Many times we’ll text each other back and forth and go off on tangents about some fantasy of ours, or as we like to say, “Our futures,” and these “futures” always involve fine men. Today, our future involved two very fine mutants: Wolverine and Gambit.
We decided that our future involved us spending half of the year in Russia with Wolverine and the other half in New Orleans with Gambit (obviously the wintertime is when we’d be in New Orleans). After going on and on about how perfect our futures were going to be, SPQ then brought up the fabulous suggestion that we collaborate on a blog and talk about how Wolvie and Gambit are two of the most perfect men ever. Aside from their obvious good looks, there are many aspects about these boys that make them very fine indeed.
So here it is, children. Five reasons why Wolverine and Gambit are the perfect men.
He has a Cajun accent. I think I speak on behalf of all women, and probably some men too, that accents are lovely. Cajun accents are particularly yummy in my opinion because of their Southern flair. Think about it. Whenever you’re feeling down or sad, Gambit will show up and call you “chere”, or “mon chere” or “mon petit”. Gambit also has a tendency to refer to himself in the third person. Normally when people do that it’s pretentious and really annoying, but when Gambit does it you swoon and imagine what your children will look like. That, my friends, is the power of the Cajun accent.
You’ll save money on electricity. As many X-Men fans know, Gambit’s mutant ability is that he can manipulate kinetic energy. In this current economy it is important to know where to cut corners with one’s budget. Think of how much money you’ll save having a walking and talking kinetic energy machine living with you. It’s like Dr. Manhattan except with a personality and pants. No longer will you need to buy new car batteries or use a microwave or a stove. You can be like, “Hey, honey. My tea is cold!” He’ll reply, “Chere! Let Gambit warm that up for you!” and then BAM, hot tea. And he’s doing this with the Cajun accent. Score.
He’s the mutant MacGuyver. Back in the day, Gambit used to be a thief. He wasn’t just any common thief, though. He was a member of the LeBeau Clan Thieves’ Guild and was in fact raised by thieves. This means that he is very crafty and resourceful which can be very useful if you’re ever in a sticky situation, or if you just need him to steal something for you. Also, he can kick a person’s ass with a playing card. The only thing cooler than getting a girl out of a bad situation with a pocket knife and a q-tip is doing it with playing cards and Southern charm. Also, since he grew up around thieves, he probably knows all the dangerous and exciting places to go and things to do when he takes you out on a date. A charming bad boy with a dark past that knows how to show a lady a good time. Can you say, “Swoon”?
He’s tenacious. Gambit doesn’t give up easily and that is an admirable quality in any person. Think of how he pursued Rogue for what seemed like an eternity. She shut him down so many times, but Gambit did not let that stop him. It’s nice to know that even when something like, oh, powers that will suck the life out of you and potentially put you in a coma won’t even stop him from getting something he wants. That displays bravery and determination and who doesn’t want a guy like that? Especially when he’s being brave and determined with nice hair and swagger.
He wears a duster coat. Duster coats are the modern equivalent to capes in that they are very cool and really hot. Think of other men who work the duster coat: Neo, Angel, Spike, Doc Holliday, Eric Draven, Van Helsing (questionable movie, but it’s Hugh Jackman so it’s forgivable). If a man can work a duster coat then you know he is a keeper, or just really hot, but I repeat myself. Gambit is that charming and mysterious man with a past that all women dream about, and he certainly dresses the part. I believe I have made my case and listed completely rational and important reasons as to why Gambit is, indeed, the perfect man.
The Space Pirate Queen speaking here. I just wanted to write a little disclaimer for what you are about to read. I’ve been a fan of the X-Men for many years and yes, I read the comic books– but I am not ashamed to admit that the X-Men movies have totally changed my perspective on some of the characters. Okay, really, Hugh Jackman is now forever Wolverine Â and it’s done with. Don’t argue with me. That Australian actor who sings and dances on stage with Neil Patrick Harris has somehow managed to embody a Canadian, cigar smoking mutant and it is now forever embedded into my brain. I am basing most of the reasons below to Jackman’s portrayal of the character. With that said…
He’s rough n’ gruff but also very sensitive. Aw, c’mon. I know all you male nerds are going to be offended by that second part but Logan is very much a big, wolvy-teddy-bear. In the 90s cartoons (insert humming of theme song here) he was Jubilee’s protector. In the movie trilogy, he becomes Rogue’s guardian. He is a dream come true to young women who have daddy issues, that’s for sure. InÂ X-Men Origins: Wolverine, he is seen with a lover living in a cabin on some random mountains. Yes you may have to make this guy a sandwich and bring him his beer but he will also hold you with loving, tender care once you hit the bedsheets. Unless he has nightmares… then you better watch out for them claws.
He is forever at that George Clooney Stage. So the guy doesn’t age because his body is constantly healing, right? He is constantly ripe for the pickings as they say. You know how George Clooney is in his 50s but for some reason women that are half is age are willing to drop their panties for him? Same goes for Logan. He’s at the perfect physical man age.He is semi-immortal so he also has all that life experience that a vampire would.Â He aged like fine wine and has the maturity and intelligence to top it all off.Â Pour me a glass of that. Delicious!
He has adamantium claws. I mean, pretty obvious about all the positive things to having a man with adamantium claws. If you guys throw a barbecue for your fellow mutant/non-mutant friends, he’ll slice that beef cleaner than most knives can do. He would be an amazing kitchen assistant because all you have to do is toss the carrots or cucumbers in his direction and he’ll slice them in the air in less than a second. If you’re into knitting, you don’t need scissors. He’ll be sitting next to you by the fireplace while he’s reading a newspaper but he can also snip that pesky loose end once you’ve finished knitting a scarf. So many domestic uses for it! Oh, and I guess he can easily stab a guy who might break into your house and try to hurt your pet kitten or something. (Again, warning, stay away from them when he’s having nightmares.)
He can wear yellow and blue spandex. And no one will dare laugh at his costume choice. I’m pretty sure Hugh Jackman can rock that original Wolverine costume and still be sexy in it. Did you ever see Wolvie get teased with the bright yellow spandex on in the comic books or in the cartoon? I don’t think so. It may look ridiculous but his super-manliness negates the silliness. Plus I am pretty sure anyone who did laugh at him got a punch in the face and died within the next hour. Don’t laugh at Wolverine.
He can drink as much alcohol as he wants. Again a result of his healing abilities, alcohol (or cigarettes) doesn’t affect him as much. The only people who will be able to keep up with him is Captain America and other mutants who heal as fast. He won’t even get a beer belly! He won’t get drunk and won’t act like a douchebag towards ladies. An asshole maybe but the kind of asshole that is charming underneath once you got him to warm up to you. You gotta admit some times a muscle-y, scruffy man in a leather jacket who smells a little bit of beer is kind of sexy, right?
I don’t know if our boys approve of this post.