All Thatâ€™s Lisa Foiles Enlightens You: The Top 10 Reasons To Attend Comikaze Expo
by Lisa Foiles
Look, I know what youâ€™re thinking: â€œLisa Foiles isnâ€™t qualified to write a Top 10 list! Sheâ€™s only good at Top 5 lists, like on her Internet show called â€˜Top 5 with Lisa Foiles,â€™ which was awesome until she canceled it and made all of her fans super cranky!â€
Well, Iâ€™ll have you know that the number â€˜10â€™ is, mathematically speaking, twice the number â€˜5.â€™ So, in mathematical terms, this list could potentially be TWICE as awesome as one of my normal Top 5 lists. Sure, thereâ€™s no silly video and you have no idea if Iâ€™m wearing a cute outfit while typing this or not, but I assure you â€“ Comikaze Expo has so many awesome events and special guests to talk about, this list practically writes itself.
Sit back, relax, pour yourself a non-alcoholic beverage if youâ€™ll be driving or are a child, and get ready to purchase wheelbarrow-loads of $12 Comikaze tickets, because this list is the most convincing piece of â€œjournalismâ€ youâ€™ll read all day:
#10. Comic books, comic books, comic books!
Comikaze is ALL about comics: The event will have a DC presence, as well as all of the best indie publishers. Weâ€™re talking over 200 vendors! Thatâ€™s a significantly large 3-digit number! And with Comikazeâ€™s $12 tickets, youâ€™ll have plenty of moneyz leftover for shopping.
#9. A crapload of gaming events and tournaments and prizes!
Remember that time I was obsessed with video games, which is all the time? As a result, Iâ€™m hosting â€˜The Old-School Nintendo Jamâ€™ at Comikaze â€“ an SNES tournament where gamers can compete in Mario Kart, Super Mario World, and Super Mario Bros 3 for awesome prizes and a chance to high-five me. And, well, I donâ€™t want to brag or anything, but one time I gave someone such a good high-five, they ended up in China. Yes. I high-fived them through the earth.
There will also be tournaments for Magic: The Gathering, Warhammer 40k, Yu-Gi-Oh, and more. Plus, the customizable card game Geek Fight! will be offering Limited Edition Comikaze Expo and Lisa Foiles playing cards! Thatâ€™s right, you can have a playing card with me on it. You can play with me. (In card form, donâ€™t be gross.)
#8. Even Harry Potter wants you to show up.
Look! Itâ€™s Daniel Radcliffe, that wizard guy! And heâ€™s personally asking you to come to Comikaze. Unless you want to be turned into a lizard or a rat or a manbearpig, Iâ€™d listen to him:
#7. Cosplayers! Probably hot ones!
Nerd expos = hot cosplayers. They also = repulsive cosplayers, but at least itâ€™s hilarious. Comikaze wants anyone and everyone to cosplay to this event, so throw on your elaborate Princess Zelda dress or those Pikachu footsie pajamas and strut your stuff at the show! Furries will beâ€¦ tolerated.
#6. The creator of INVADER ZIM, Jhonen Vazquez!
Yes, INVADER FREAKING ZIM. Itâ€™s one of my favorite shows of all time, and its creator, Jhonen Vazquez, will be hanging out at Comikaze. However, you wonâ€™t be able to speak to him or even see him, since heâ€™ll be spending all of his time with me describing his inspiration for every episode in extreme detail, or else I wonâ€™t remove his handcuffs.
#5. The team from CRACKED.COM, the funniest website pretty much ever!
Iâ€™m Cracked.comâ€™s #1 fan. Just ask Dan Oâ€™Brien how many times Iâ€™ve been escorted out of their office building for hiding in plants and shouting things like, â€œHEY. HEY DAN! REMEMBER THAT TIME IN â€˜AGENTS OF CRACKEDâ€™ WHEN MICHAEL WAS GOING TO PUT RAT POISON IN YOUR SANDWICH? ON PRANK DAY? THAT WAS SO FUNNY. YOU COULD HAVE DIED.â€
But in all honesty, Cracked.com is the funniest website ever created and Dan, Michael Swaim, Jack Oâ€™Brien, Katie Willert, and that hottie Soren Bowie will all be at Comikaze doing panels and LIVE performances! Donâ€™t tell Soren I said he was hot; thatâ€™s just going to make things awkward when I follow him to his car after the expo.
#4. Elviraâ€™s last appearance at an expo EVER!
Itâ€™s finally happened: Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, has become too awesome to mingle with normal, less hot people. Comikaze Expo is officially Cassandra Petersonâ€™s LAST appearance as the buxom beauty herself, Elvira. That alone is a good enough reason to buy Comikaze tickets. I mean, who knows? I might gain a cup size just talking to her!
#3. That one guy will be there, whatâ€™s his name â€“ oh, STAN LEE.
Stan Lee is the father of modern comics: Marvel, Spider-Man, Captain America, those X-Mansâ€¦ and Dazzler. Yeah. Dazzler. You should visit him at the expo JUST so you can ask, â€œNo, seriouslyâ€¦ Dazzler? Really, Stan?â€ Weâ€™ll all do it! Itâ€™ll be hilarious! (This is when Regina Carpinelli, the mastermind behind the expo emails me saying, â€œLisa! Did you tell the entire Internet to harass Stan Lee?!â€ Yes. Yes, I did.)
#2. Did I mention the tickets are only $12, and kids under 12 get in free?
And lastly, I present to you the greatest event happening at Comikaze Expo 2011:
#1. The first ever Nickelodeonâ€™s â€œAll Thatâ€ Cast Reunion!
Hey, old-school Nickelodeon lovers! Ready yet? Get set! All That is back on TV and Comikaze has gone Pokemon Master with the cast for a huge reunion â€“ gotta catch â€˜em all! Weâ€™ve got Kel Mitchell, Lori Beth Denberg, Josh Server, Alisa Reyes, Leon Frierson, Katrina Johnson, Angelique Bates, Mark Saul, Jack DeSena, Chelsea Brummett, Giovonnie Samuels, Bryan Hearne, and me, Lisa Foiles!
Weâ€™ll be doing a panel plus an autograph signing on Saturday, November 5th, and if you buy VIP tickets, youâ€™ll be able to attend the All That after party, which Iâ€™m guessing will be â€˜off the hookâ€™ if people are still saying that! Ask the cast members ANYTHING YOU WANT. Iâ€™m sure Kel is already prepared to tell you why he likes orange soda so much, so donâ€™t hold back!
That about wraps it up. Go buy tickets to Comikaze Expo for you, your friends, your parents, that cute girl on the bus, that homeless guy on the bus who yells a lot, the bus driver, and pretty much everyone else on the bus that I assume you ride, because this is an expo you will not want to miss. Be there at the Los Angeles Convention Center on November 5-6, and visit www.comikazeexpo.com to buy tickets! See you there â€“ Iâ€™ve got my high-fiving hand warmed up and ready.