When I found out that the CDC, yes, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, made an official post concerning what to do in the event of the zombie apocalypse, I was thrilled. I’m not necessarily saying that the zombie apocalypse is going to happen, but I just thought it was cool that the CDC gave their two cents on what people should do to prepare for this kind of disaster. When I read the article itself, I was kind of annoyed. If anything, the CDC post talked about the prevalence of zombies in the media and the history of zombie legends then gave you steps on how to prepare for a natural disaster (i.e. thunders storm, earthquake) and just used zombies as an excuse to bring up General Disaster Preparedness 101.
I am by no means saying that one shouldn’t be prepared for a natural disaster and shouldn’t listen to their advice. What I am saying is that in the specific event of the zombie apocalypse, their advice was crap. Nowhere did it mention the advantages and the disadvantages of guns vs. machetes, nor did it mention proper places to find shelter. And make sure to have all legal documents with you? Bitch, please! Zombies don’t give a shit if you’re a vagrant. Perhaps I am taking this a wee bit too seriously, but I feel it is my duty to give everyone a proper zombie preparedness post.
So here it is, children, I bring you…
The Defective Geeks Zombie Preparedness CRASH COURSE
THINGS YOU NEED:
1). 1 Backpack Per Person. Have a backpack ready with essentials already inside it. When the undead show up while you’re all having a nice meal, you may not have the time to pack your things and run out of there. This way, all you need to do is grab your backpack and it will already have the necessities.
-Water purifier. You and your loved ones may constantly be on the run and unable to transport gallons of clean water with you. Sure, you may have a stash now, but when the hoard of the undead show up you may not necessarily have the time or the capacity to haul that stuff around with you.
–Water bottle(s). Have at least 2 for when you do come across good water, or to stash the purified water.
-Good denim pants/long denim shirt. Good denim is pretty durable and you need durable fabric during these desperate times. You don’t want any unnecessary exposed skin and you want a fabric that is comfortable, but also durable and protective against potential cuts, or worse, bites. We don’t want the zombie virus getting into your system!
-Jerky, dried fruit, and twinkies. You want food that will last you a long time and won’t expire for a while. There’s also a chance that a preservative in twinkies could be deadly to zombies.
-Hand sanitizer and Zicam. Things may get messy, and the last thing you want during the zombie apocalypse is to catch a cold.
-Facemask. You don’t want any gross zombie blood getting in your mouth, do you?