Once upon a time, vampires were cool. For years, vampires were vicious, malevolent, cruel, and manipulative soulless creatures with fangs. They didn’t want us to be their soul mates, they wanted us to be dinnerÂ and that’s why we loved them. This depiction, which in many cultures dates back to the Pre-Christian era, is being threatened.
Ever since Twilight, the depiction of this once brutal monster has been radically altered. Now, vampires are sensitive, they hate killing, they have PMS, they want girlfriends, they’re celibate, and they sparkle. They fucking sparkle.
Everyday more television shows and books are produced showing vampires in this light (and not burning to a crisp). You, the fan of the traditional vampire, may be telling yourself, “I’m only one person, there’s nothing I can do to make a difference.” I’m here to tell you that there is something you can do. You can help stop this unjust treatment of the once badass bloodthirsty creature.
“How?” you ask yourself.
Here’s how: Go see Fright Night.
Fright NightÂ is entertaining, suspenseful, sexy, and at times terrifying. Jerry Dandridge, played by the very talented Colin Farrell, is a scary and predatory vampire. To quote Evil Ed from the movie, “He’s a real monster and he’s not brooding or lovesick or noble. He’s the fucking shark from Jaws.” Dandridge is charming one moment, which makes you let your guard down, and then the next thing you know he’s ripping your throat out. Yes, traditional vampire fans, Dandridge likes to kill. If you have not yet seen this movie, please do so immediately to support this vampire.
For a mere $15 you can help support this scary vampire and let Hollywood know that we are not going to take this sparkling bullcrap lying down anymore. $15. That’s just as much as two chocolate cake shots or a really good dirty vodka martini. The purists out there who are fans of the original Fright NightÂ have already decided to hate and boycott this movie. Look, I loved the original movieÂ and had my doubts about this remake, but I still gave it a chance and had a damn good time. I understand your resentment, purists, but think of the greater good that you would be supporting by seeing this movie.
If that doesn’t convince you, think of this: They broke Breaking DawnÂ into two movies. Two. There are also two more TwilightÂ related books out there that have yet to get movie deals. Just think about it.
Fright NightÂ has witty dialogue and cleverly explains Jerry’s ability to stay incognito living off the strip in Las Vegas. It’s a fun and refreshing update from the original, especially during the age of squishy fluffy vamps that like to talk about their feelings. Gillespie and Noxon (director and screenwriter) add just enough camp to make the movie enjoyable and lighthearted during the more gruesome moments. There’s also a pretty sweet cameo for fans of the original.
Help bring vampires back to their glory days when they were analogies for sex and addiction, not celibacy and Mormonism. Go see Fright Night. It’s a fun time with good scares, and Colin Farrell and David Tennant each give an amazing performance, stealing every scene they’re in.
If this movie does well and scarier vampires come back, we will no longer have to feel shame for being vampire fans. We won’t have to hide in the shadows and immediately add a disclaimer whenever we proclaim our love. If we try, maybe one day it will be the way it used to be. Maybe.
This has been a Defective Geeks Public Service Announcement.
Follow Gizzy on twitter @PetraGiselle