Sandra Bullock Lesson #4

I think Sandra Bullock put Speed 2 best when she described this film as “the biggest piece of crap ever made.”

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But still, lessons can be learned. I shall dig deep and find some.

Following the success of Speed, nameless studio heads decided to milk it by doing the exact same plot (really, exactly) but on a cruise ship. Unfortunately, Keanu Reeves opted out so we have some other guy with little to no chemistry with Sandra Bullock. Here’s the plot: man has been wronged by company and fired, man seeks revenge, Sandra Bullock and leading man get in way, explosions ensue. Bad guy gets comeuppance. (Sounds familiar, right?)

Always pack a chain saw when going on vacation.
Computers cause electrical signals that give you copper poisoning.
Ships have REALLY good turning radiuses. Radi. Whatever.

Quiz time, which of the previous lessons AREN’T TRUE?

Only one is true, and it’s to pack a chain saw. That thing was damn handy in a lot of situations.

William Dafoe was the bad guy (I often question that man’s choice in films) and he worked at a computer company, and computers release electrical pulses which give you copper poisoning (I shit you not people, this was the reasoning). He used leeches to remove the copper from is blood to let him live longer.

This is what I refer to as a multi-task movie. It’s a movie where I’m so bored that I must accomplish other things while it’s playing or I feel guilty for wasting time. So, I knitted, updated my ereader, read the trivia about the film, and did lots of other trivial things. Even if I didn’t feel satisfied with the film, I feel satisfied that I got some stuff done. And that’s the best I can say about it.

Remember kids, I watch these so you don’t have to.

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